Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
