is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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