Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
