Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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