my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
