New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
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Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
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What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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