That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
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He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
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Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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