Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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