We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
