dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
