Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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