No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
