yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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