sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
