I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
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Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
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Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
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