Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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