when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
