Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
