my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
