It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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