Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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