right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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