nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
