Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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