Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
