I'm eating all of the evidence.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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