I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
