you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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