I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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