never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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