she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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