my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
