To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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