Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
So. Much. Porn.
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