It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize