i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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