just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
