I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize