You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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