yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
