Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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