I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
