i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
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Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
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Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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