Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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