everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
