On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I could fuck to npr.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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