Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
