You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
