If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
