She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
