i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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