Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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