I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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