By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
