My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
