just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I did not marry a roomba.
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