How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize