I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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