Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
