i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
