dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
worst night to have a conscience
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he fucked my hip out of place.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
