why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
