Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
