you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
