can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
