so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
